A Collection of Inuyasha's Shorts
by sentinel28
Summary: Seven out of seven as the author keeps his promise to update every day for a week. In this episode, Sango and Kagome decide it's time to turn the tables on Miroku. The question is, does he even mind? And no, Sango doesn't die. You R&Red. Now do it again!
1. Kagome's Sacred Boomstick

_A Collection of Inuyasha's Shorts_

_(Wait a Second, That Doesn't Seem Right)_

_AUTHOR'S INSANE RAMBLINGS: You know, one day I'm just going to stop writing silly things. I'm just going to throw up my paws and say, "That's it. I'm only writing serious stuff. I'm going to write an Evafic where everyone dies horribly, a Robotech fic where Max and Miriya are too busy playing hanky-panky in the Veritech and it crashes into a mountain, or an Inu-Yasha fic where Kagome goes on a berserk rampage and kills everyone." Yep. One day I'm going to do all that..._

_...but not today._

_ There is another author on 's Inu-Yasha section who has a similar outline with his stories to this one (sorry, dude, I can't remember your name or your story). I hope no one takes offense that I'm doing the same. Just covering my butt here, folks. Anyway, have fun. (And yes, I do take requests...)_

_STUFF SO NO ONE WILL SUE ME: Do you think that if I owned Inu-Yasha I'd be sitting in a studio apartment at 4:00 AM writing stupid fanfics? Heck, no._ _(Though it should be noted that Rumiko Takahashi started out in similar fashion...)_

EPISODE ONE: KAGOME'S SACRED BOOMSTICK

_"Wind Scar!"_ Inuyasha yelled as he smashed Tetsusaiga into the ground. The earth exploded upwards, sending fire and rocks flying as four rents made straight for the enormous demon they were fighting. It was called Daishi, and it had a fragment of the Shikon no Tama lodged somewhere in its body. The dragonlike monster roared, but when the smoke and dirt had cleared, Inuyasha's attack had done no apparent damage. It grinned at the hanyou, exposing rows and rows of black, steel teeth. It then reared back on its birdlike legs, and two lightning bolts shot from its handless arms. The bolts blew craters in the soil around Inuyasha, who just managed to skip aside. Even so, the shockwave blew him backwards a few feet. Even as the lightning subsided, Sango was already tossing her _hiraikotsu_ at the demon. It simply banged off Daishi's thick hide.

"Get behind me!" Miroku shouted, pulling off the prayer beads that bound up the glove over his right hand. Instantly, there was a howl of tortured air as the Wind Tunnel began pulling at the demon. Sango caught her boomerang and stepped back, looking at Miroku concernedly–Daishi had to be simply too big to be absorbed through the Wind Tunnel without further tearing it. Sweat beaded on Miroku's brow as the demon slowly began to be drawn towards him. Then it dug in its three-toed feet, turned, and blasted lightning at the monk. Sango screamed a warning and then tackled him out of the way, risking being drawn into the vortex herself. Luckily, Miroku had managed to get the cloth over his hand in time.

"RrrRARGH!" Inuyasha growled as he skipped forward and sliced Tetsusaiga into the monster's arm. It hissed at him and he saw blood, but the great sword had only left the tiniest of cuts. He ducked under its arm as it swung. "Damn," he snarled. "This thing is tougher than it looked!" He wondered how it could have gotten so powerful, even with a jewel shard. Myoga could tell them, but the flea had long since hightailed it for a safer area.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled. "Get back away from it!"

He glanced in her direction as he ducked another swing, and saw that she was pulling something from her oversized backpack. He bared his fangs at the monster in a grin of triumph; as much as he hated to share a victory, there were few demons who could shrug off one of Kagome's arrows. He somersaulted backwards, out of range.

Shippo had stayed far back, knowing his kitsune magic would not be very effective against a demon the size of Daishi. When he saw Kagome unzip her backpack, he thought for sure that she would be pulling out her bow and quiver of arrows; he wondered why she hadn't carried them into battle in the first place. Instead, she was pulling out a long tube of some sort. It was flared on one end like a bell, had a wooden section around its middle, and ended in some sort of oblong pointed thing. Grunting with exertion, Kagome finished pulling it from her backpack, hefted it to her shoulder, and pointed it at the demon. "Shippo! Go over there, now! _Ima!"_ The kitsune hurried to obey, though he wasn't sure why.

Kagome sat down, braced herself against the ground, aimed down the sight, and pulled the trigger. There was a thump and a jet of flame from the flared end, and the oblong thing shot forward so fast not even Inuyasha's sharp eyes could follow it. It hit the demon in the chest. For a split-second nothing happened, then there was a huge explosion. The demon did not have time to even howl in pain before it was blown apart, sending a gigantic spray of purple blood upwards and spattering Inuyasha with gore.

The hanyou barely noticed. He shook his head to free his ears of the ringing in them, without much success. Across the smoking pile that was once Daishi the youkai, Miroku and Sango looked equally astounded. Inuyasha walked over to Kagome, who put the smoking tube down with a breath of relief. "Kagome, what _was_ that?" Inuyasha asked, eyes wide.

"Oh, this?" Kagome rubbed her shoulder. "Ow, kicks like a mule..."

"Yes, what matter of magic is it?" Miroku asked. "_Kami,_ your power has grown since the last time you came out of the well!"

"Oh, it's not magic, Miroku. It's called a RPG in my time. Like fireworks, but much more powerful." Inuyasha picked it up and tested its weight. "I got tired of us facing off with these really powerful youkai and just barely surviving, and I know we'll need an edge when we take on Naraku. So I found this at a garage sale down in the Nerima district of town and...be careful, Inuyasha. It's not loaded...er, nocked...or anything, but you could get burned."

Inuyasha held it the way he had seen Kagome do it. He pulled the trigger and grinned. "Groovy."


	2. The Monk's Gambit

EPISODE TWO, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: THE MONK'S GAMBIT

Inuyasha smacked his lips loudly in contentment and let out a stentorian belch. Kagome gave him a dirty look from across the clearing, but he ignored it. Right now, ramen was his goddess, and he was content to worship at her altar. Miroku set down his bowl and belched as well, but quietly so. "Excellent," he proclaimed. "I could eat another of those." And lo, there was another cup of ramen resting next to Kagome's backpack. Miroku reached forward and grabbed it, but at the same time, a clawed hand rested on it as well. He turned and glared at Inuyasha, who glared back, adding a growl to emphasize that the last cup of ramen was his, and his only.

"Inuyasha, this is foolish," Miroku said evenly. "Two grown men–well, one grown man and one grown hanyou-- fighting over something so lowly as a cup of ramen."

"I notice you're not letting go," Inuyasha replied.

"True. Rather than fight over it, I propose to gamble for it."

"Gamble?" Inuyasha thought about it for a moment. "All right, sure. What did you have in mind?"

"A bet."

"Bet? Heh. I agree." _Baka,_ Inuyasha thought. _Anything you bet I can do, I _know_ I can do._

Miroku glanced at the two girls across the way. Kagome and Sango were talking to each other, neither paying them any attention. He bent over, careful not to let go of the ramen, and whispered into Inuyasha's ear. The hanyou listened, then jerked back, actually letting go of his prize. "I won't do it."

The monk smirked. "Afraid to?" he challenged.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Inuyasha snapped, surprising Miroku. "You're asking me to get hurt, on purpose! That's stupid."

Miroku lifted the ramen cup and looked at the top. "It's Kyoto beef."

"I'll do it. They're green." Inuyasha got to his feet, shot Miroku daggers, sighed, and trudged across the clearing. "Kagome." He folded his arms across his chest.

"What is it, Inuyasha?" she replied with a small smile, leaving off her conversation with Sango.

"Could you stand up for a moment?"

Confused, Kagome did as she was asked. "What is it?" she repeated.

"Ah, it's nothing. Never mind." Inuyasha turned away, scrapping Plan A and going to Plan B. Plan B meant kicking Shippo in the rear–not terribly hard, just enough to bowl the kitsune facefirst into his ramen. Shippo yelled out a horrible oath that he had learned from the hanyou who had just kicked him.

Kagome's eyes widened. "Inuyasha! What did you do that for?"

"Because I felt like it," Inuyasha replied. Kagome thought she detected a hint of boredom, and as she took a deep breath, she saw him turn around to face her, close his eyes tightly and tense up for what he knew was coming.

It didn't stop her, though. "OSUWARI!"

It is said the meek shall inherit the earth. Inuyasha was anything but meek, but he claimed his inheritance nonetheless. "Owww..." He struggled to look up at Kagome. "That...hurt..."

"It was supposed to! How can you pick on poor Shippo just because your train of thought derailed!" He had no idea what she was talking about, but the point got across. He mumbled an apology to her and Shippo, who had turned around and began savagely kicking Inuyasha in the ribs. It didn't hurt him much, and Shippo drew back as the enchantment wore off and Inuyasha got back to his feet. He brushed off his clothes, looked at Kagome, sighed, and trudged back to sit down heavily next to Miroku.

"What's wrong with him?" Kagome wondered.

"He's a jerk!" Shippo exclaimed.

"He may be," Sango said, "but it's strange. It's like he purposely made you 'sit' him."

"That doesn't make any sense. He would never do that purposely. Besides, he was angry–his face was red. He probably just felt the need to come over and remind us of his presence." Kagome speared the hanyou with a burning stare.

Inuyasha ignored her. He was glaring at Miroku again. "Well?" the monk asked placidly.

"The ramen's yours," Inuyasha growled. Miroku clapped his hands together twice and grabbed the cup. While Inuyasha sulked, Miroku poured from a pot of hot water over the campfire. He waited a few moments, carefully watching Inuyasha's hands in case he tried to steal it. Inuyasha didn't, and Miroku peeled off the top and began to dig in.

"Actually, you were wrong," Inuyasha grumped, "but you were closer than me, so you can have the damn ramen." Miroku, mouth full, looked quizzically at him, but Inuyasha only shrugged. "She wasn't wearing any."

The monk choked, coughed, and finally spit out the mouthful of ramen. He continued to cough, but struggled out, "You're...kidding..."

Abruptly Inuyasha grinned. "Yeah, actually I am. You were right, they were white."

Sango shook her head in derision. First Miroku had begun choking, which had concerned her, until Inuyasha burst out laughing. Miroku had then grabbed his staff and brought it down over the hanyou's head, but Inuyasha was practically screaming in mirth. "Men," was all she said.


	3. Safety Begins at Home

_(AUTHOR'S QUICKIE NOTE: Thanks to Dead Gentlemen Productions for the inspiration for today's short. Those of you who have seen "The Gamers" will recognize it instantly. Note that I didn't put in Kagome doing a Tusken Raider impression like Newmoon the elf...though the mental image is funnier than what does happen.)_

EPISODE TRES: SAFETY BEGINS AT HOME

"Are you _sure_ this is the only way in?" Inuyasha growled.

Kagome nodded. "Yes. There is definitely a Shikon jewel shard in that cave."

"Great." The hanyou put his hands on his hips and stared at the cave entrance. He didn't smell demon, which was good–that meant either the group had lucked out and found a shard that had merely ended up in the cave somehow, or whatever demon had it wasn't very powerful. He glanced behind him and smiled inwardly. He could probably take the demon himself if there was one, but it was nice to have some powerful backup. Miroku and his Wind Tunnel. Sango and her hiraikotsu. Even Shippo came in handy now and then with his illusions. And of course, there was Kagome and her arrows. Inuyasha wouldn't admit it under torture, but he was glad to have them around–and in Kagome's case, it wasn't just because she could sense jewel shards or that she was getting better with a bow.

Unfortunately, none of that was going to solve the immediate problem, which was the rather large boulder blocking the cave entrance.

_But that's not really a problem,_ Inuyasha smirked. He unsheathed Tetsusaiga. It pulsed with energy and he raised it to strike.

"Wait, Inuyasha!" Sango cried.

He just managed to stop in mid-swing. "What now?"

"Look." She pointed at the crest of the cliff, at the bottom of which lay the cave. Inuyasha scanned the top for a threat, but didn't see any. Then Sango tossed a stone. When it hit on the cliff face, there was a small puff of dust and a few rocks crumbled down. "You were going to use Wind Scar, weren't you?"

"Well, yeah."

Understanding dawned on Kagome's face. "It might bring down the whole cliff, Inuyasha! It would take us forever to get through that."

"Feh." Inuyasha sheathed his sword and cracked his knuckles, causing everyone else to cringe, which happened every time he cracked his knuckles. Which was one of the reasons he did it, of course. "I guess I'll just have to use my muscles instead of my fang!" And with that, Inuyasha stepped forward and grabbed the boulder in both hands.

Something flashed in Kagome's mind and she nearly yelled at Inuyasha to stop, but it was too late. He was already lifting the boulder. Her eyes darted to the cliff, but other than a few small rocks cascading down the front, it was holding. What she wasn't sure would hold was Inuyasha's–

The boulder was over his head and he was grinning in triumph at the party when suddenly his face became a rictus of pain. "Eeergh!" he grunted out, teetered for a moment on unsteady legs, then crashed backwards. Luckily, he had the prescence of mind to fall in a direction where he would not smash back into the cliff or flatten Kagome. The boulder crumped back to earth and rolled a little before it came to a stop.

When the dust settled, Kagome rushed forward and knelt next to Inuyasha. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he lied. That became obvious when he tried to get up and collapsed back to the ground in agony.

"He threw his back out," Miroku observed. Sango looked on the hanyou with sympathy–the boomerang she carried had done that plenty of times to her–while Shippo collapsed in laughter. Shippo wasn't sadistic, but he rather enjoyed seeing Inuyasha in pain, since the latter had face-planted him into ramen the day before.

"Oh, Inuyasha..." Kagome said sadly. "You should always lift with your legs, not your back." Inuyasha grumbled something that was probably best left unrecorded.


	4. A Midsummer Night's Bad Dream

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Four down, three to go...going to try and update every day for a week to see if I can do it. Wish me luck. And a quick shout-out to everyone who's reviewed! Thanks a bunch!)_

_(To Naoko Catgirl: maybe Kagome got the RPG from Mousse.)_

EPISODE FOUR, A NEW DOPE: A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S BAD DREAM

Miroku sat deep in meditation, his hands steepled in his lap. Inuyasha, some distance away, practiced with Tetsusaiga. And Sango and Kagome relaxed in the hot springs, guarded by Shippo. It was a warm summer evening.

Slowly, the monk opened one eye and looked around the campsite. He then opened the other eye and looked towards the village. It was completely dark, so the villagers had gone to bed, aside from a lantern burning here and there. Farmers went to bed with dusk and woke at dawn.

Miroku rose to a crouch, each movement carefully planned. He was completely silent. He glanced down the path, where a blur of red and silver marked where Inuyasha practiced. Miroku allowed himself a small smile, and then with infinite patience and slowness, he slowly stretched out so he was full-length on the ground. He began moving forward, checking the ground carefully for twigs and dry leaves. His night-colored purple and black robes melted back into the darkness like shadows. Miroku was on the hunt, and ten minutes later, his quarry was in sight.

"Oh, Sango, this feels _wonderful,_" Kagome sighed blissfully as she sank up to her collarbones in the warm mineral waters. She could feel all the worries and grime of the day fading away.

On the other side, Sango nodded, leaning her head back against the rocks. She stretched her long legs out on a rock, then froze for a moment. "Kagome, is this safe?" The schoolgirl looked quizzically at her. "Miroku is within a day's journey of here, so I don't think he would pass up an opportunity to spy on us."

"He was meditating when we left."

"I'm sure," Sango said with heavy sarcasm.

"Shippo's on watch. He'll warn us of any perverts."

Miroku heard Kagome's voice from his perch slightly above the hot springs, safely concealed in underbrush, and smiled. _Oh no, dear Kagome,_ he thought, _I've taken care of our little kitsune. You're completely defenseless here. Luckily I, Miroku, am here to guard you from danger._ The steam from the hot springs shifted slightly, away from the pond, and he had an uninterrupted view into the pool. Unfortunately, the girls were relaxing and not actively washing, so the water only lapped tantalizingly above the swell of their breasts. _Damn. Well, they have to get out sometime._ The steam closed in again, and Miroku gritted his teeth. Then he counseled himself, _patience, Miroku, patience. The steam can't last forever, and if my instincts are correct, there is a nice breeze blowing._ Like a blessing from the heavens, the steam parted again.

"Sango, could you get my shampoo? It's in my bag."

"Certainly, Kagome."

_She's standing up!_ Miroku bit his lip to keep from letting out a shout of joy. While he liked Kagome as a friend, and the fact that her breasts were slightly larger than Sango's, his true affection was reserved for the demon-slayer. He would never turn down a glimpse of Kagome, but it was Sango he had risked life and limb to see. As Sango rose, she turned away, so all he could see was the beautiful curve of her back and the dark scar that marred it. He felt a pang of sympathy and then a pang of frustration as the pool was deep enough to hide anything below the cute dimples above her buttocks. _But it gets shallower as it reaches the shore, _Miroku knew, because he had checked it earlier. _And then you'll have to turn around, lovely Sango, to hand the shampoo to Kagome. Ah, your curves are like the waves on the Eastern Sea, and your breasts are like the gentle hills north of Edo..._

While Miroku was composing this lovely and slightly perverted ode to Sango, he had unconsciously risen up slightly to get a better view. As he did so, his hand slightly dislodged a few pebbles, which tumbled down the slope into the water.

"What was that?" a new voice said.

_Who?_ Miroku thought. _A third voice. That sounds like..._

The third figure stood up and directly faced Miroku. His eyes widened, his mouth opened and closed a few times before letting out a tiny squeak, and then he shot backwards out of the bush like a horde of demons was on his trail.

Sango whirled around, her hand closing on a rock, which she fired unerringly into the foilage. There was none of the expected _thwack_ of stone against skull, nor a cry of pain, or a glimpse of black monkish robes. "That was strange. Usually Miroku would have announced his presence by now, and Inuyasha isn't that perverted."

"Ah, it was probably yon kitsune, chasing his tail," Kaede replied. She turned away from the bush and sank gratefully back into the warm water. "This is good for these old bones. Thank ye for inviting me out here tonight, Kagome."

"It was no trouble, Kaede-sama," Kagome smiled. "Sango, don't forget the shampoo."

Inuyasha finished going through his practice and grinned as he slammed Tetsusaiga back into its scabbard. He wanted to practice his Wind Scar, but they were too close to Kaede's village. Feeling very full of himself, he sauntered back to the campsite. He didn't smell any of the girls or Shippo, so he figured they were still bathing. Miroku was there, though, but when Inuyasha saw the monk, his golden eyes started with alarm. He ran over to the monk's side. "Miroku! Are you all right?"

Miroku was pale as winter snow, eyes wide and staring, and his mouth hung slightly open. Inuyasha would have thought him dead except for the fact that his hands were trembling horribly. Inuyasha shook the monk. "Miroku! Snap out of it! What's wrong? Are there demons around?" Miroku's head shook from side to side slowly. "Is Kagome and the others all right?" This time the monk nodded, the horror never leaving his face. "Dammit, what's wrong, then?"

"I..." Miroku found his voice. "I have seen things nightmares are made of..."

Underneath a tree barely within earshot of the hot springs, Shippo finished eating and sighed in contentment. "I love chocolate. Kagome was so nice to give me that, and Miroku was so kind to bring it to me." He looked up at the stars. "Life is wonderful."


	5. It Does a Body Good

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: The author does not condone anything that happens in this story. It is both wrong and stupid to eat a whole bunch of things that you don't know what they are. It is also wrong to make fun of old people, cuss, grab Sango's butt, and blow up half of a forest. Now granted, that doesn't stop Inuyasha (except the part about Sango's butt), but if you honestly think you have his healing ability, you probably shouldn't be reading this story. Or watching anime. Now go seek help before you have your significant other try to pin you to a tree with arrows or before you start jumping down random wells.)_

_ (Oh, and true sci-fi film geeks will get where Shippo's punchline to Inuyasha comes from. Thanks again to all for reading and reviewing–you won't be forgotten!)_

EPISODE FIVE-O: IT DOES A BODY GOOD!

"Aaah!"

Shippo abruptly sat up, trembling in fear and looking around frantically. "Where–" Then he realized with a sigh of relief that he wasn't fighting the Thunder Brothers again, but was only in the campsite with his friends. Everyone else slept soundly, especially Miroku, whom Sango had knocked unconscious. He had availed himself at the first opportunity to grope her as soon as she and Kagome had returned from Kaede's village. Shippo decided that Miroku apparently enjoyed being pummeled by Sango, since he wore a smile of contentment and the color had returned to his face. When the kitsune had returned to camp after finishing his chocolate bar, he had never seen anyone so pale as Miroku had been.

Something moved in the bushes, and Shippo nearly leapt out of his skin. Fragments of his nightmare came back to haunt him. Even after he saw that it was only a frog, the night was still terrifying. He crept over to Kagome and gently shook her until she made some independent movement. One eye blearily opened. "Uhh...what is it..."

"I had a bad dream," Shippo said timidly.

The eye closed and Kagome rolled over, having never quite woken up from her own dream. "In my backpack...something for you...white..." She was actually speaking to Hojo in her dream, and in her backpack was Inuyasha with his white hair, waiting to tear the young, terminally naive teenaged boy apart. Shippo had no way of knowing this, however, so he only nodded and hopped over to Kagome's bulging yellow backpack. He quietly unzipped it and went through its contents, most of which were books and clothes. Finally, he saw a flash of white and picked up a bottle of some kind. Inside were white, round things. He carefully opened it. Not being able to read, Shippo did not notice the kanji reading Childproof Cap, so it posed no barrier to him. He plucked one of the white, round things out of the bottle and ate it. It was crunchy, but after some vigorous chewing he got it down. "Say," he whispered, "those are pretty good." He looked over at Kagome. "She's so nice." He bowed to Kagome, then softly clapped his hands twice and ate a few more.

The next morning, they broke camp and headed west, once more on the trail of a Shikon jewel shard. Tending to Inuyasha's injured back had given the demon with the shard time to escape out a secret entrance to the cave, and it had been spotted terrorizing a village a day's journey away when Kagome sensed the shard. All of them were impressed with Kagome's growing ability–most of all Inuyasha, though he would eat his own left foot before he would admit it.

When they stopped for rest around noon, Kagome opened up her backpack and dug into it. "That's strange," she said to herself, looking at the bottle. She was careful to hide it, because she didn't want to have to explain to Inuyasha why she had to take vitamins every day. If he found out she did it to help herself stay in shape, he might want some too, and there was no telling what they would do to a hanyou's system. Still, she wondered if he and Miroku had been going through it while she, Sango, and Kaede had been bathing. The bottle had been full when she brought it back to the Sengoku Period and now it was almost half-empty. She glanced at Inuyasha, but he was his same old, irascible self. Everyone else was no different either. Wondering if she was losing her mind, she downed two vitamins, as her mother had told her to do every day, and replaced the bottle.

They had been back on the trail for another hour when the demon suddenly attacked.

It was a comparatively small demon, no bigger than Sango or Kagome, but what it lacked in size and strength it made up for in ferocity and speed. It nimbly skipped out of the way of Sango's hiraikotsu, then zipped past Inuyasha and Tetsusaiga, taking a nibble out of the fire rat coat on the way. Inuyasha shouted an obscenity that turned Kagome's ears red.

Kirara snarled and leapt forward to slash at the demon with its flaming paws, but the demon only laughed insanely and nimbly leapt upwards as the sabretooth's claws tore a divot out of the grass. "Miroku!" Sango screamed. "Quit thinking about Kaede's saggy old butt and use your Wind Tunnel!"

Just the thought of Kaede was almost enough to make the young monk pass out, but he steeled himself, loosening his prayer beads. "It's too fast!" he yelled. "I'd pull you in too!" The demon took a swipe at Miroku, missed, made faces at Inuyasha, pulled one of Kirara's tails, and dodged one of Kagome's arrows, all in the time it took for Miroku to complete his sentence. As it somersaulted past the arrow, it suddenly smelled the Shikon jewel fragment that hung from Kagome's necklace, turned, and came straight at her, faster than the eye could see. "Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted.

Shippo leapt in front of his adopted mother, determined to buy her time to nock another arrow. "Foxfire!" he yelled, and tossed tiny fireballs of blue flame.

Except they weren't tiny fireballs, but rather one gigantic one that shot from his splayed hands. The blue flame crackled as it roared through the demon, disintegrating it, then went past to slightly scorch Inuyasha, scare the hell out of Kirara and Miroku, set the edge of Sango's waist sash on fire, blow apart an acre of forest, and obliterate the boulder that Inuyasha had thrown his back out with in Episode Three before it finally dissipated.

There was silence in which one could count five, then it was broken by Kagome, who blinked away the spots on her vision and said two words that summed it up:

"Holy shit."

Sango abruptly realized that she was in danger of going up in flames, but luckily Miroku was there, beating out the flames with the upper half of his robe and getting his daily ration of the demon-slayer's rear end as he did so. Inuyasha walked up to Shippo, who was staring at his hands in wonder. Inuyasha put his hand on the kitsune's shoulder like a father who has just seen his son accomplish a great thing. "Shippo," he said gravely, "how the hell did you do that?"

"I...er..." He remembered something Kagome had said to Inuyasha when her accuracy with the bow had improved. "I've been working out," he said proudly.

Inuyasha rammed a fist into the kitsune's head. "Wrong answer."

Shippo instantly kicked Inuyasha in the shin and raised tiny fists. "You'd better watch out, Inuyasha! I'll turn you to cinders!" The hanyou drew back, suddenly afraid that somehow, Shippo might be capable of carrying out his threat.

"Wait a minute," Kagome said, opening her backpack. She held up the bottle. "Shippo, did you eat these?"

"Yeah! You said I could last night."

"I did? When?"

"I woke you up 'cause I had a bad dream. You said there was something for me in your backpack that was white. Those are white."

"Oh, no," Kagome groaned. Now everyone was looking at her for an explanation.

First she had to explain her dream, which had ended in Inuyasha literally kicking Hojo to the moon. Inuyasha thought that quite hilarious.

Second she had to explain who Hojo was. This made Inuyasha the butt of several jokes about him being jealous even in Kagome's dreams.

Third she had to explain what vitamins were.

"Gimme those!" Inuyasha yelled, and easily pulled off the top, since he couldn't read Childproof Cap either. Before anyone could stop him, he poured out a heaping handful and crushed them into his mouth.

"No! Kagome didn't say you could have any!" Since this statement didn't apply to Shippo, he snatched the bottle out of Inuyasha's hands and downed what few remained.

"I'll show you power," Shippo and Inuyasha said at the same time as they crunched on vitamins with decidedly evil grins. The three humans (Kirara was hiding behind a tree) watched helplessly, Kagome afraid to _osuwari_ Inuyasha while he had a mouthful of something. Lightning flashed between kitsune and hanyou, and both turned their backs on each other, Shippo raising his hands and Inuyasha the Tetsusaiga. Miroku, Sango, and Kagome joined Kirara behind the dubious safety of the tree.

"FOXFIRE!" Shippo shouted.

"WIND SCAR!" Inuyasha yelled, not even bothering to swing Tetsusaiga.

Nothing happened. Slowly, Miroku opened his eyes. The birds were still singing, the sky was still blue, and Japan still existed.

"I'm afraid to look," Kagome said. "Did they blow themselves up?"

"No," Sango said. "They're both bent over on the ground." She shaded her eyes against the sun. "What are they doing, Houshi-sama?"

Miroku peered closer. "Eating grass."

They were never able to explain how Shippo had suddenly manifested the power of Son Goku. Kagome thought that perhaps it had something to do with the vitamins and chocolate mixing together with the magic inherent inside Shippo, but she never tested the theory. Shippo didn't complain much, as he and Inuyasha had spent the next day and a half throwing up. Kagome explained what had happened to her mother, and Mrs. Higurashi had agreed that from now on, Kagome would just pack some oranges for her daily dose of Vitamin C. The vitamins were left in the kitchen cupboard, hidden where not even Inuyasha could find them.

Kagome secretly kept a smaller bottle in a drawer of her desk, however, for when the group finally caught up to Naraku. He was in for one heck of a surprise.


	6. Angels and Demons, Oh My!

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Reviewer Pen2: This one's for you. Other notes to follow at the end...)_

EPISODE SECHS: ANGELS AND DEMONS, OH MY!

"You think you can beat me?"

"Yeah! I think I can!"

"That'll be a cold day in hell! Put your money where your mouth is, bakayaro!"

"Okay, I will!"

Kagome and Inuyasha faced each other angrily over the meadow. They had one argument too many, and this was the final straw.

Inuyasha was not going to listen to Kagome's whining about exams again. Ever. And he had taken steps to ensure that she could not "sit" him, either. This was going to be decided his way, with naked steel.

Kagome, for her part, had enough of Inuyasha's constant vacillating between her and Kikyo, or his griping about just about anything that annoyed him, which was just about everything. She tightened her grip on her bow, intending to finish the job Kikyo had started.

They were no longer friends, and certainly never lovers. Now they were enemies, until one of them fell–no quarter asked, none gained.

They stared at each other across the meadow as time stood still. Slowly, Inuyasha unsheathed Tetsusaiga, making sure it reflected the sunlight so Kagome could see every inch of its lethal steel. As he did so, he stealthily let the blade travel over the palm of his left hand, causing blood to well up. He clenched his fist, then with a shout, dashed across the field at full speed, sweeping Tetsusaiga out to one side. Kagome, deciding that a good offense is the best defense, leapt forward to meet him, bow held out like a shield.

"_Hijin Ketsusou!" _Inuyasha yelled, and the blood from his left hand flew towards the girl, solidfying in midair into shining red blades. There was no time to dodge, and Kagome screamed as the razor-sharp edges sliced bloody furrows across her thighs and stomach. "This ends now!" Inuyasha exclaimed as he readied the sword to strike.

"That's what you think!" Kagome concentrated, her knuckles gripping the bow turning bone white as she shut out the pain of her wounds. With a cry from the bottom of her wounded heart, Kagome shot her right hand forward. Bluish-white energy roiled around her hand for a moment before it shot forward to strike Inuyasha in the chest. Taken completely by surprise, Inuyasha flew backwards, but didn't quite lose his footing, skidding to a halt. He felt the pain in his chest. "You bitch...you hurt–"

But Kagome was moving. She leapt back, nocking an arrow in midair like the miko she was born to be, and firing it in one fluid motion. It left a trail of blue fire as it crossed the space between them in an eyeblink and struck him in the chest. Inuyasha looked down and had a sense of deja vu, except for one thing–it hadn't struck him in the heart. It had, however, pissed him off. He snapped the arrow's shaft, bared his fangs at her, and raised Tetsusaiga over his head. _"KAZE NO KIZU!"_

_Kami, that didn't kill him?_ Kagome wondered, but there was no time to ponder that fact as the ground shifted and rose up beneath her. She leapt to one side, just avoiding the cutting winds that would have taken a limb. In quick succession, she fired off two more arrows, but these were ordinary arrows, not charged with miko energy. It was only to buy time for her to recharge, and keep Inuyasha dodging rather than closing with that deadly blade.

Abruptly, Kagome realized that his dodges had not been entirely defensive; he had been circling, waiting for an opportunity, pressing her back into the forest where there was no room for manuever.

"An opening!" he shouted, and Tetsusaiga fell again. _"KAZE NO KIZU!"_

This time, Kagome had nowhere to run. She brought her hands up in a vain attempt at defense, but the wind tore the ground around her asunder, tearing at her clothes and her skin. A tree was torn in half, and one of those halves fell directly on Kagome Higurashi. When the smoke and dust had cleared, she looked down in shock and felt rather than saw that both her legs were broken and pinned under the tree. Her blouse was shredded to rags, and she was bleeding on the inside, she knew. Her vision was a reddish haze of blood and pain, but it was enough to see Inuyasha closing for the kill.

"You talk the talk, Kagome," he sneered, "but you can't walk the walk! Now you DIE!" With that, he rose up in the air, reversed Tetsusaiga, and aimed the point at Kagome's heart.

"It's not over yet, dog-boy!" Kagome grasped the only arrow to survive the fall and the Wind Scar, and as Inuyasha leapt, she swiftly nocked and fired, putting every last ounce of strength she had into the single shot. The arrowhead left a bow wave of psychic energy as it rose upward. "From hell's heart I stab at thee, you sauerkraut eating bitch!" Kagome screamed.

The arrow entered just above the first, through the old wound Kikyo's arrows had left, and deep into the heart of the hanyou. The energy sent Inuyasha flying back into the meadow, where he crashed to the ground. He tried to rise once, then fell lifeless.

"WHAAAAT?!" Asuka Langely Soryu screeched. She leapt to her feet and stabbed a Tetsusaiga-like finger at the boy who sat beside her. "You–you defeated me?! But–I was playing Inuyasha! I _never_ lose playing Inuyasha!"

Kensuke Aida adjusted his glasses and couldn't resist a triumphant grin. "But you just did, Asuka. I admit it wasn't easy, but all those hours practicing..."

Touji Suzuhara couldn't resist either. "HA! And he beat you with Kagome, the weakest character in the game! How's those apples, Miss Perfect?"

Shinji Ikari sighed. "I told you, Asuka. Kensuke _always_ plays Kagome. He's never lost with her."

Asuka tossed the controller on to the carpet. "Huh. Well, no wonder. He probably plays Kagome because he's hoping he can get a screenshot of her panties. More like luck of the loser, if you ask me–an otaku who's never even touched a real girl!"

Touji wasn't taking insults to his best friend lying down. He leapt to his feet, fists clenched. "Yeah, like you're one to talk, you tease! You're in love with some guy who's old enough to be your father, and who loves someone else anyway! Who's the loser now?"

There was dead silence in the room for a moment, as a red line slowly worked its way up Asuka's shoulder blades, neck, and face. Later, Kensuke would swear that her honey-blonde hair had billowed up around her and her eyes had turned blood red. She raised clawlike-fingernails, bared fanglike teeth, and looked very much like a certain hanyou who had just lost control of his youkai blood.

Rei Ayanami, who already had blood red eyes, merely looked over at the three boys. "If I were you," she said calmly, "I would begin running." The three of them needed no further encouragement and were over the sofa and heading for the door, a steaming Asuka in hot pursuit and leaving clawmarks in the door. Rei merely bent down and picked up the fallen controller, selected Kagura, and began playing.

A mile or so away, Misato Katsuragi gave a small squeak as she felt a hand on her posterior. She felt another hand alight on her shoulder and a voice in her ear: "Would you do me the honor...of bearing my child?"

"You hentai!" Misato whirled around and a pistol-shot sound of a slap echoed down the passageways of NERV headquarters. She stalked away from a staggering Ryoji Kaji.

_(AUTHOR'S SUPPLEMENTAL LOG: I would have updated this sooner, but I was...err...doing research. And by the way, Kagome really _is_ the weakest character in "Inu-Yasha Demon Tournament." I had a hell of a time getting past Miroku and Inuyasha kept kicking her miniskirted butt. Oi...)_


	7. The Monk's Revenge

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Number seven! I did it! This means that I probably won't be updating Inuyasha's Shorts as much in the future, but I'll definitely keep writing when the muse strikes. I'm thinking about doing some more serious Inuyasha stories (Gasp! No!), and definitely working on my Evangelion fics (all three of them). I definitely plan on including more of the Inu gang in "The Evangelion Matrix Regurgitated" and "You Wanna Eva Matrix Revolution," if I write the latter. Thanks to all my reviewers, especially Samurai Kagome, Sesshy-Slippers, DarklessVasion, and Jess Perry!)_

_(AUTHOR'S CLARIFICATION: For those of you who did not get the reference in Episode Two (The Monk's Gambit)–yes, the bet was over what color Kagome's panties were. Note that the rating for these stories has now risen to PG-13 with just mentioning that. Oh well...)_

EPISODE SEVEN: THE MONK'S REVENGE

"Uhhh...no, Kagome....don't...shoot me..." Inuyasha groaned aloud in his sleep. Luckily he didn't toss and turn, because if he had, it was a rather long fall to the ground. He was in the throes of a nightmare in which Kagome and he were fighting to the death.

"_Osuwari..._"

Inuyasha was abruptly jolted awake by the sensation of pitching headfirst out of the tree. He hadn't quite woken up enough to scream before he hit the ground, hard. He lay there for a few moments until he was able to move again. Painfully, he stood up and stalked towards the campsite intent on doing bodily harm to one Higurashi Kagome. "What the hell did you–" He stopped abruptly when he realized everyone was still asleep. He looked down at Kagome, who lay on her back, breathing softly.

_Damn, she must've just sat me in her sleep,_ Inuyasha thought. _I wonder what she's dreaming about. I wonder what I did this time to make her angry. Well, at least she's not crying._

He knelt, just watching her sleep. Softly, she smiled, which made Inuyasha's heart beat faster. "That's it, Inuyasha..." she murmured. "Just like that...don't move..."

The hanyou's cheeks colored beet red. _Kami, she's...no, she can't be thinking of me like that!_ He watched as her smile grew wider. He swallowed audibly. _She _is_ thinking of me like that! _

"Kneel before your mistress..."

"My WHAT?!" Inuyasha exploded. He leapt backwards as Kagome's eyes flew open. She blinked a few times, then saw him out of the corner of one eye. Her dream, which had involved a collar, a leash, and dominatrix gear, rapidly faded from her mind, which was probably just as well.

"Oh...good morning, Inuyasha," she said with a yawn.

"'Good morning, Inuyasha,'" he mocked with false sweetness. He pointed to his white hair, which was covered in dirt and leaves. "Look at what you did to me, wench!"

Her eyes narrowed. "When did I do that?"

"In your sleep! You told me to sit, and I fell out of the damn tree!"

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

Shippo sat up, looking blearily at the two of them. "Some youkai are trying to sleep," he grumped.

"Some youkai-slayers, too," Sango groaned. "I swear, you sound like a married couple."

"That's not funny!" Inuyasha and Kagome said simutaneously.

"It wasn't meant to be–" Sango suddenly was very awake, sitting bolt upright. She looked down. "Houshi-sama, I _know_ you're not asleep!"

Miroku slowly opened his eyes and just as slowly moved his hand. "I'm sorry, Sango. It was just there." He propped himself up on one elbow. "It is a rather lovely sight to behold in the morning." He steeled himself, and sure enough, got slapped. "Sango-chan, I was complimenting you."

"You were complimenting my rear end! It's not like you ever notice anything but."

Miroku abruptly stood, adjusting his robes. Sango was taken aback; he actually looked offended. "Sango, you wound me. How dare you insinuate that the only thing I like about you is your buttocks."

She began to color red. "R-Really?"

"Why, yes. You also have a very nice set of breasts, and your legs are quite fine as well." With that, he leapt backward in much the same fashion Inuyasha had.

"You'd better run!" Sango shouted.

"I do feel the need for a bath," Miroku said, scratching his chest. "Join me, Inuyasha?"

"Sure, why not, since I need a bath now too," Inuyasha replied, spearing Kagome with a look.

"Shippo?"

"Nope." The kitsune turned his back on them. "I only bathe with girls."

"Wise lad." Miroku winked at Kagome as he sauntered into the woods, mainly because Sango was looking for something to kill him with. Inuyasha followed him, growling incoherently.

Kagome sighed, waited a few minutes for Miroku and Inuyasha to get far enough away, and for Sango to become coherent again, then changed from her pajamas to her fuku. Sango changed kimonos and put on her battle outfit. "Oooh!" she said finally. "I cannot believe that monk! I can't take my eyes off of him for a moment–I can't even sleep without his hands coming near me!" She turned to Kagome. "I think _both_ hands are cursed, and not with a Wind Tunnel." Kagome nodded, having been the recipient of Miroku's wandering hands more than once herself. "I want revenge," Sango growled.

Kagome stopped dressing for a moment. "Like what?"

"I don't know. I suppose castrating him would be a little too harsh."

"A little. We could tie him up in his sleep."

"Mm. Maybe." Suddenly Sango's eyes lit up. "I know...heh, heh, heh."

Kagome did not like the sound of that laugh. "What?"

"Let's go spy on _them_ for a change."

Kagome brought up her hands defensively as Shippo made a face of utter disgust. "Sango..."

"No, Kagome! How many times has Miroku spied on us, so much that we have to post a sentry!" She waggled a finger at the schoolgirl. "Inuyasha's peeked too. I've seen him. He growls that he thinks you're unattractive, but he lies--hanyou or not, he's still a male."

Kagome blushed. She actually did not mind Inuyasha peeking now and then, but she wouldn't admit to it. On the other hand, it would be nice to get revenge. _And you want to see Inuyasha..._a little voice inside cackled, but Kagome quickly suppressed those thoughts. "Okay," she said finally. "I'll do it."

The two girls quickly made plans, while Shippo absented himself from the clearing; wise beyond his years, the kitsune could only see tragedy coming of this. Much like Miroku had two days previously, they stealthily crept through the forest towards the hot spring, careful to stay downwind so Inuyasha would not smell them. While they weren't quite as careful as Miroku had been, they still managed to reach the hot springs without being detected. Hiding in the same bush that Miroku had, they peered down into the pool.

Miroku was leaning back in contentment, while Inuyasha frantically scrubbed at his hair. He plucked at the prayer beads around his neck. "I can't believe this thing works in her _sleep!"_ He sniffed at himself. "Great. I think I landed in Kirara's crap, too." He scrubbed more, then pointed a clawed finger at the monk. "Hey. Don't you ever think about not pawing at Sango's butt as your way of saying 'good morning'?"

Miroku slowly shook his head. "No."

"You like getting slapped?"

"Not particularly."

"Then why?"

"Because..." Miroku hesitated, his smile faded, then he said, "None of your business, Inuyasha."

"A-HA!" Inuyasha slapped the water in triumph. "You like her!"

"Of course. I like Kagome, as well."

"You WHAT?"

"As a friend, my dear hanyou, as a friend."

"Feh. You're not getting off that easy." He grinned at Miroku. "You _love_ her, Miroku!" When the monk ignored him, Inuyasha laughed. "I knew it." Seeing that Miroku was getting uncomfortable, Inuyasha decided to drop the matter for now. He had made his point. He stood up and walked over towards his clothes. "Damn, I think I forgot to borrow some of Kagome's shampoo stuff..." When he reached the shallow end, Kagome's eyes widened and she couldn't suppress a small gasp. Inuyasha's left ear twitched and he stopped, slowly reaching for Tetsusaiga.

Miroku's eyes opened to slits. "We are not alone," he said softly. Abruptly, he stood and faced the bush, throwing his arms out wide. "Gaze upon perfection, ladies!"

"EEYAAGGH!" Sango and Kagome screamed simutaneously, all thoughts of stealth forgotten as they stood up, hands to mouths.

"EEK!" Inuyasha screamed, grabbing his fire rat robe and holding it before him.

Miroku put his hands on his hips, making no move to cover himself. "You came all that way, so carefully, Sango-chan, Kagome-chan. I have nothing to hide, unlike some people."

"OSUWARI!" Kagome yelled, pointing at Miroku. Still in shock, she only remembered when she heard a tremendous splash that the enchantment only worked on one person. Spluttering to the surface, Inuyasha let loose a flood of obscenity that peeled bark from the surrounding trees, freely translated to mean that Miroku's parents were not married, that his mother was in fact a female dog, and for all _kami_ known or yet to be known to damn him to all nine thousand Chinese hells. He then went on to add more terms that had to do with reproduction and human waste. With this echoing in their ears, the girls retreated.

Neither Kagome or Sango could look Miroku or Inuyasha in the face when the two men returned to the camp. Nor could they during breakfast. As they got back on the road, once more on the hunt for the Shikon jewel, occasionally Inuyasha and Kagome would catch each other staring at the other. They would quickly turn away, blushing.

Miroku shortened his pace so that he and Sango were just out of earshot of the hanyou and the girl from the future. "Sango," he said quietly.

"W-What do you want, Houshi-sama?"

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

She kept her eyes on the path before them. "I-We probably deserved it." She looked up at him, a wry smile on her face. "We should have known better than to sink to your level."

He shrugged. "I suppose I deserved a measure of revenge." He smiled back at her. "Tell me honestly, Sango-chan...did you..._like_ what you saw?"

Her face slowly turned pink and she could not face him, but with a smile, she nodded.

"You do me great honor," he said with a small bow. "I owe you a boon, so I give you my word as a priest that I will no longer grope you without your permission."

_Without my permission?_ Sango thought. Then she admitted to herself that the day might come–after Naraku was defeated–that she might indeed desire to have Miroku's hands on her body. She sighed contentedly and walked blissfully down the road, with Miroku alongside.

It was half an hour before she remembered that Miroku was a monk, not a priest.


End file.
